I did not want this birthday. I knew it would still come, but I thought that maybe I could stop it or head it off for a year or two I'd feel better. Deep down I knew it was coming and there was not a thing I could do. So I mourned. It is what we do when we lose things in our lives. We cry and grieve. And there is a process that we go through to come out the other side. There's some pain and feeling like we have not slept well for awhile. It seems a sand storm has pelted our eyes and they are scratchy. Our mouths and brains are parched. It's sometimes hard to put thoughts together. And our stomachs and chests ache with loss. This is mourning.
So I was morning my birthday? Yes. Silly? Yes. It's a big one. I am not saying what the number is but it's like the one before you're 30, or 40, or the the other big ones. Yes I was blue and I could not stop the birthday just like I could not stop the blues. It seemed that I was "misting up" with every comment my husband made and any little puppy or cat that I saw. I was hurt that my kids were not calling with plans to celebrate even thought I didn't feel like celebrating. This was the blues big time.
Mother's day came first and my wonderful daughter-in-law came over and cooked brunched for our family. We were all together. I was happy and just forgot about the birthday. It was a good day, good food and lots of laughs.
There is this thing called Facebook. You must have heard of it. Well the birthday wishes started coming and they have not stopped. It feels so good to be remembered. On my birthday my daughter-in-law took me to dinner. A great young woman. I will have dinner on Friday with my son and his girlfriend (just as good as being a daughter-in-law, another great young woman also). On Saturday I have a date with my husband for dinner and maybe a movie.
I love this birthday. After going through all the blue days and having the wishes for a good day and year, birthday cards and time with my family, I am through with the mourning.
This year will fly by as all the others have but I feel better and stronger.
Good by blues. And Thank You for all the best wishes.
